I can need you
You know that point in your life when you feel you're subjected to euthanasia. And you feel like you've been wanting to sleep your entire life, and now all of a sudden it all goes shut and you're not able to sleep anymore?
Here's to those nights. So tonight, this'll have no fancy language, I won't even think of making quotes, no drama, and just a plain girl who's trying to express how she really feels. It's all not blue-penciled and it's just straight from my heart.
Okay so today was a horrible day. JUST HORRIBLE. One of the days you want to kill yourself, but you're expecting this one person to save you who doesn't show up and the end?
Maybe it's a little over exaggerated but that's how I feel at the moment. It feels like betrayal.
I live a life for about 18 hours everyday. For these 18 hours, I only think about how they would feel about my actions. My parents, my family, my friends, my love, everything. So if one day, 18 hours of my life, do I not have the right to scream at someone? And expect them to just say that I'll stay for you even though I have plans and even though I want to do something. But you seem to need me. And even though every night I tell people to live for themselves, can there not be one night I say I need you right now, please quit everything and just stay with me.
I let old wounds open today. Listened to the old playlist, read the old journal when I used to write an R like an N. Thought of all my mistakes, and all the horrible things I've had to go through. And then think it's fair to ask for something for myself. Do I not deserve to get that back? I was trying hard. To keep in track with everything going on. With the hardest ever time of my life. I was trying to keep up. But I can lag behind sometimes. And on those nights I just need you to leave everything, help me get up and just walk me to the finish line of the day. Because I can be tired. I can need a little human glucose. I can need you. And I did.
Here's to those nights. So tonight, this'll have no fancy language, I won't even think of making quotes, no drama, and just a plain girl who's trying to express how she really feels. It's all not blue-penciled and it's just straight from my heart.
Okay so today was a horrible day. JUST HORRIBLE. One of the days you want to kill yourself, but you're expecting this one person to save you who doesn't show up and the end?
Maybe it's a little over exaggerated but that's how I feel at the moment. It feels like betrayal.
I live a life for about 18 hours everyday. For these 18 hours, I only think about how they would feel about my actions. My parents, my family, my friends, my love, everything. So if one day, 18 hours of my life, do I not have the right to scream at someone? And expect them to just say that I'll stay for you even though I have plans and even though I want to do something. But you seem to need me. And even though every night I tell people to live for themselves, can there not be one night I say I need you right now, please quit everything and just stay with me.
I let old wounds open today. Listened to the old playlist, read the old journal when I used to write an R like an N. Thought of all my mistakes, and all the horrible things I've had to go through. And then think it's fair to ask for something for myself. Do I not deserve to get that back? I was trying hard. To keep in track with everything going on. With the hardest ever time of my life. I was trying to keep up. But I can lag behind sometimes. And on those nights I just need you to leave everything, help me get up and just walk me to the finish line of the day. Because I can be tired. I can need a little human glucose. I can need you. And I did.
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